


My Chest is Caved, My Heart is Full

by Spoomss



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Heavy Angst, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:07:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26551111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoomss/pseuds/Spoomss
Summary: Law breathes.(And then he decomposes)
Kudos: 21





	My Chest is Caved, My Heart is Full

It's concerning.

It should be. It should be. It should be?

Repetition ingrains, bolds, seems important, but Law has been dancing to the same tune for so long he forgot the lyrics.

It's concerning, because Law-

Law knows how this will end. Not because he's important, or smart, or special. Not because he matters.

It's because Law has been dead since before he was born.

He's escaped so many times he can't help but think he was a ghost. Drifting, drifting, drifting but never living.

Living was expectations and truth and living meant pain.

And Law didn't fear pain.

But he did fear that if there was anymore he'd dissolve.

Law was a fragile, breakable, cowardly thing. Law has cracks and splinters and its-

Huh,

Thoughts stop and new ones form, where was he going? Something, something, he can't remember.

He breaths, withers, decomposes. Shivers in his eyes and screams in his fingertips, you can read the agony across his frame.

Did you know that people are breakable?

We are. We are so very breakable. Push too hard and we shatter, too lose and we collapse.

And Law's been broken. And broken. And broken. And broken and broken and broken and broken and broken and broken-

"Hey,"

Law blinks, eyelids fluttering in the low light of the moon, not turning to address the one waiting for him but knowing it wouldn't matter.

A body jumps up on the railing of the ship, sitting beside Law's arm and clearly not caring for the same type of personal space that he did.

It's a fight not to flinch away, shudder and curl into a ball small enough to be invisible to everyone and no one. Law's chest quivers, dust fluttering around an empty space, cobwebs resting in his ribcage.

He takes a breath.

"Are you okay?"

Law stays still. Fingers frozen, icy in a way that reminds him of winter and makeup and death.

Was he okay?

He releases the breath.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He rasps back, cringing at the sound of his own voice. It echos in the quiet. Law just wishes it would die sooner.

The man next to him makes a contemplative noise.

"Cause you don't act like you are."

His fingers curl into the wood of the railing, splinters digging into them and painting red. The pain is some what of a reassurance. More of his life has been lived in agony than peace.

Peace was terrifying.

(He never knew when it would be ripped away) 

"Am I supposed to be offended by that?"

"Nah. It's more just a feeling, y'know? 'Cause when I look at you,"

A hand grips his arm and Law jerks, flinches, jolts, maybe screams, no that one was in his head. He's pulled to face him, and Law doesn't like this. He doesn't like being this close to him. 

Autumn eyes look at him, deep, wide, innocent? No. Hopeful. (Same thing)

Up this close, it's hard to lie. Hard to deflect, act, preform, when you feel like you're under a microscope being poked at and pulled apart.

"...I think that you're the saddest person I've ever met."

He swallows, his dry throat clicking in the quiet.

He rips his arm away from the man's grip violently, inching away from him and trying to calm his racing heart.

"I don't think that how I feel concerns you," he bites back, shrieking in his head, why is he so mean to people who help him? A habit, he guessed. (A conditioning)

Luffy blinks, hand hovering in air for a second before he pulls it back, still staring at him with those inescapable eyes.

When he looks at him Law feels trapped.

(He doesn't like feeling trapped)

"You're probably right," he says and Law blinks, dumbfounded.

Where'd all his stubbornness go?

But then he smiles, and it's so strange, seeing his infamous smile this up close, seeing the smile that marines and pirates alike have grown to fear, seeing the way chapped lips curl and stretch over white teeth, the way the moon glows brighter and his heart beats faster inside his chest.

"But you're my friend. And I don't like it when my friends are hurting."

Huh.

Law blinks or collapses, he can't tell anymore. He turns away from the man despite his heart screaming not to, screaming to keep staring into those eyes till Armageddon comes and passes. His fingers itch, blood dripping down his wrist.

Law breaths.

(And then he decomposes)

"I shouldn't be," he whispers back, floating on a breeze and nothing else. Waiting to collapse into the silence and never be revived again.

He shouldn't be.

Luffy hums.

"Why not?"

Huh.

Huh.

Huh.

Huh?

(He doesn't know yes he doesn't he doesn't want to know he doesn't deserve it does he no he doesn't he doesn't no)

The ash in his throat tastes more real than the smell of salt in the breeze.

"I'm not a good person," cracking, because he's not, he's not, he's not.

Law is horrible and wicked and vile. Flashes of throats collapsing under his finger tips, of eyes pleading for their lives, of screams echoing on and on and ringing till he goes mad.

The railing cracks.

"Why not?" He repeats, repetition ingrained, bolds, and Law's been-

Law's been-

Dancing, he's crazy, he's mad, he's insane, he's not right.

Law's been dancing to the same tune for so long he can't remember the rhythm. His feet carry on in the silence, spinning and bouncing and jumping on and on, was it to the right or left? 

Law's crazy.

He's known it for a long time. Songs and voices and screams mingle and chatter in his mind, but in unison they all sing you're crazy, you're messed up, you need to-

Law, you need to-

Huh.

"I've killed people."

"So what?"

Huh?

Swallowing around the embers in his throat, Law croaks, "because its- it's wrong, and bad, and I've hurt people-"

"So what?"

Law's been-

Dancing, what's the tune, what's the tune, what's the tune-

"I've hurt people too. Do you think I'm bad?"

"No!" He instantly shouts, because he's not, he's not, he's not. He's so good Law aches, he's so good Law cries, he's so good that Law knows how bad he is, because Law's nothing compared to him, a shadow, a darkness, a taint-

He hums.

"Then why would you be bad?"

...

Because I'm bad, he wants to say. Because he's bad bad bad, and thoughts linger, touches linger, aches linger, it all lingers on him so he can't tell which pains are old and which are new.

Law only lives to carry out revenge and he has nothing else and when the deed is done Law will be dead and piled atop all the corpses he's left behind.

Because Law's not good-

"Yes you are."

Oh. Was he talking out loud?

Luffy gives a tight lipped smile.

Sorry.

Sighing, Luffy turns to face the sea, the sounds of crashing waves washing over them in the silence.

"I don't think you're a bad person," he says.

Law wants to tell him he's wrong.

"You wanna know what I think?"

Law stays motionless.

"I think that you're lost. I think that you have a lot of bad stuff inside of you, and all that bad stuff starts weighing down, and you can't pull it with you.

"So you're stuck."

He turns to face him again, and Law finds himself trapped again, imprisoned, but this time he doesn't have the mind to care.

"And you don't know what to do. Cause you've held onto all that bad stuff for so long you don't think you can let go, and you feel like if you do, you'll go with it.

"You feel like without all the bad stuff you'll have nothing left. Right?"

Law nods, slowly. The earth quakes with the movement.

Luffy smiles, teeth shining, body lose, how could someone be so happy?

"You will."

Huh.

Huh?

"There's so much good underneath all that bad stuff, I can tell. You're one of the most good people I've ever met..."

A bitter smile.

"But you're so sad. And maybe if you just let go of all that bad, maybe you'd be able to shine, to be better than before, to be happy."

...

"I can't," Law tells him. Because he can't. And he feels like he's just let down the entire world, for whatever reason, but he can't.

The captain's grin doesn't waver.

"That's okay."

Huh.

Law's been dancing, and his feet ache, ache, ache, should he stop? He's never stopped before. He can't stop. But maybe, if he slows down a little, a little more, a little more, he can go slow enough to ease the pain.

Maybe he can go slow enough to stop.

Luffy grins.

(Law thinks that the sun was nothing compared to it)

"There's always tommorow."

Huh.

Law decomposes.

(And then he breathes)


End file.
